Letter to Future Parents...

Dear Expecting Mothers and Waiting Fathers,

Your baby is almost here. You are counting down the days until you can hold your little one in your arms. As a father, you are dreaming of your little boy hitting a home run in his first little league game. Mothers are eagerly waiting to dress up their daughters in the finest smock outfits available. As soon as your child is born, you will begin looking forward to the many milestones they will reach over the next two years. Whether it is their first teeth, first words or crawl across the den floor, parents eagerly await these happenings, so they can take pictures and brag to family members and friends.

Let me be the first and probably only person, to warn you about the problems that come with these milestones. They seem so joyous and glamorous from the outside, but are far from the glitz and glam. Here is a list of the inconveniences that milestones bring to your family from my 8-month experience into the journey.

Teething: Any human being, young or old, without teeth, freaks me out. Seeing someone without teeth and all gums is just not natural. So I eagerly awaited the breaking through of Brynn’s first teeth. What was I thinking? Teething is horrible! Babies slobber everywhere. When I say everywhere, I mean changing her outfit 3 or 4 times per day because they are soaked. Babies that are teething are constantly whining or irritated. The teeth coming through the gums, evidently causes pain. This leads to hours of baby fuss. Baby fuss is not all that bad, except when it is added to the 1 AM, 3 AM and 5 AM. This leads to a longggggggggg night! This also leads to irritable parents. How to fix this problem? Not possible! How to help with this problem? Baby Orajel and Teething Tablets.

Speaking or Sounds: I have dreamed of the day that my child will utter the words Dada. Brynn is eight months old and has yet to form any semblance of these words, despite our constant practice. Brynn has mastered the art of spitting noises, random screams, nonsense chatter in the middle of the night and the word “Gee”. Spitting leads to ugly instances when green beans are in her mouth, screaming leads to a parent running into the room expecting the worst and receiving a smiling child, chatter in the middle of the night leads to parents not sleeping, while the word Gee leads to grandparents claiming Brynn is saying their name first.

Sitting Up: I made a big mistake in this area. I practiced with Brynn sitting up on a daily basis. I could not wait to proclaim that Brynn is sitting up by herself. I am an idiot. A daughter that can sit-up, can also fall over! When Matt falls over, he can catch himself. When Brynn falls over, there is no catching. Even when babies become experts in sitting up, like now, they still fall over. Guess what… eight months old, still not old enough to catch themselves. Recommendations… surround your child with pillows when you leave them in a sitting position.

Crawling: If the Navy Seals were accepting babies, Brynn would be their first candidate. My daughter can military crawl faster than I can walk. She can crawl on all fours, but typically gets lazy halfway to Sarah’s shoe, the remote control or the cat food bowl and resorts to her military movements. We wanted Brynn to crawl for the longest time and feared she may walk before crawling, because Sarah read in some book that babies need to do their milestones in a certain order for future development (blah, blah, blah). Evidently Brynn is making up for lost time, because that girl can move. Whether it is to spill the cat’s water on herself or stick anything that I accidentally left on the floor into her mouth, Brynn is on the go. There is no more leaving Brynn on the floor to play while you take a bathroom break. Brynn will not be there when you get back. Most times she just follows you to the room you are going, but more than not, she gets distracted along the way for something that can fit into her mouth. I have no recommendations to fix this problem, other than fence them into an area. Do not leave things on the floor.

Pulling Up: Seeing Brynn pulled up on her crib with a big grin, as she waits for daddy to get her out of bed is possibly the best feeling in the world. Brynn pulling up on her play table in the den, falling backwards with the toy landing on top of her, one of the worst feelings in the world.

These milestones have been great. I am not trying to scare parents away from the anticipation of these events. I just want to warn them that for every great accomplishment comes a lot of trial and error. Babies must practice these milestones with bad results to end up with the good results. With walking in the near future (probably before Christmas), the bumps are only going to get bigger!

Matt Perdue