Free is always better...

Myself, Jeff, Robert and Jonathan took Starkville, MS by storm on Saturday. This was our second trip to the Cow Palace this football season, but this trip involved our beloved Alabama Crimson Tide. While this trip did not live up to its legendary expectations, it still had plenty of entertainment, excitement and FREE TICKETS!


1. Scalpers can kiss our booties: Taking Starkville by storm without tickets to the game was not looking like a smart decision 45 minutes before kickoff. Tickets were in the $75-100 range and we are not the wealthiest group of friends. We were looking for the $30 range which did not seem to exist. After talking with about 100 scalpers, who all wanted to rip us off, we struck gold. An older, distinguished man beckoned us to his side. He presented us with four, lower level tickets in the Alabama section. We expected them to come with a hefty price tag, but his words took us by surprise... "These tickets are courtesy of the Mal Moore and the Alabama Athletic Department" JACKPOT!!!! In our minds, we just won the lottery. What a great way to watch an Alabama football game... Free and in the Alabama section. It gets no better than this.

2. Jonathan's Anger: Most people think Mr. Brewer is any easy going person without a temper. From personal experience, I knew it took a lot to get him agitated to the point of cursing or fighting (repeated shots to the private parts or an extended period of time with Robert). Either old age, lack of marital relations or the airline industry has changed this once patient man. The anger started at the Cowbell Sports Bar. Evidently, Mississippi does not ban smoking in restaurants. As we are eating our wings, a few people around us begin to light up. Cigarette smoke evidently turns Johnny into the Incredible Hulk. He turns a funny color, his voice gets deeper and his temper flares. He starts yelling out loud how he hates smoking. He is ready to leave the restaurant. I begin to get worried, but play it off as nothing. Next, we learned in the car ride to the game that Jonathan hates overweight people. Watching big people eat, grosses him out. He gets angry watching an obese person down a hamburger. Finally, Jonathan's temper reaches its peak at Chili's in Columbus. His hamburger comes out and it is not the largest burger in the world. Instead of being round, it is more of the McDonald's Rib-a-Que shape. This sets off Jonathan's last nerve. He pulls a Mr. Pate. He fusses at the waitress for the size of his burger. He sends his burger back for a new one. Jonathan has officially ripped out of his clothes and turned green. About 20 minutes later, his new burger arrives marinated in the cook's bodily fluids.

3. Jeff picking a fight: Jeff and the art of fighting do not go hand-in-hand. When a fight gets ready to take place, Jeff can typically be found hiding behind a book case at Barnes and Noble (inside joke from back in the day). Now that Jeff has gotten buff, married and expecting a child, he has gotten brave. This was no more evident than Saturday night at the game. Jeff is getting irritated by all of the drunk Alabama fans during the game. He decides to place a mustard packet on the bleacher in front of him and stomp it. This sends mustard flying through the air and on the intoxicated boys in front of us. About 30 minutes later, the boys realize their Shirt Shop pants are covered in yellow. They start running their mouths and staring at Jeff. Each of us offer Jeff a solution to the problem. I think Jeff should keep staring back. Robert thinks Jeff owes them an apology and a hug. Jonathan wants Jeff to ask them if they want some ketchup with that mustard. Jeff chooses option D, run away and do not look back. Maybe I was wrong about Jeff's new bravery!

4. Robert's New Girlfriend: As Robert, Jeff and Jonathan head to the bar to get a drink, I stay at the table to adhere to my strict Southern Baptist principals. Robert leaves his cell phone lying on the table. Bored, I begin to view his phone book, just to see if there is anyone that needs a random call from me. As I get to the letter S, I notice a peculiar name that I do not know. This must be a friend of Roberts that I have not met. Her name... Suzy Fun Buns. My first thought is that this must be a nickname for his wife Sara. So, I hit view the number and automatically pick up the first four digits 1-900. Uh Oh, Robert has a problem that might need to be addressed on this trip. I am the type that handles things upfront, so I walk to the bar and ask loudly in front of the good-looking bartender and other patrons sitting around, "Who is Suzy Fun Buns?" and hold up his phone. It is not easy to embarrass Robert, but this got him. He was caught off guard by the revelation of this info. According to Robert, the guys at work like to play tricks on each other and this was a clever scheme by his friends. But if I am Sara, I take a look a little more closely at his phone records.

5. Times have changed: A few years ago, our topics of conversation could not have been more different than they were this weekend. Instead of talking about how hot the college girls look in the short dresses, we swear that our daughter will never get caught dead in that outfit. Instead of attempting to pick up girls, we give Jonathan advice on the pros and cons of marriage. Instead of picking on Jeff, well we still do this (wearing his pants way too high), but we also give him tons of advice on fatherhood. Instead of planning our next wild adventure, we scheme of ways to convince our wives to let us do something that doesn't involve the park, Walmart or Sunday School Parties. Listening to Robert talk about his 401K, Roth IRA and diversified portfolio, Jeff talk about keeping his baby at night while April is at class and Jonathan contemplate joining the Air National Guard are in stark contrast to the past conversations of Halo, hot girls in our classes and intramural games. I can't imagine these conversations in 10 years... topics may include colon cleansing, a mid-life crisis and hair implants.

6. The Game: The actual football game was awesome. We had great, free seats. We sat with all Alabama fans. MSU fans left midway through the 3rd Quarter, so we had the entire stadium to ourselves. I hate halftime shows, but this one actually rocked. It was a Veterans' Day tribute. The game was awesome. Mark Barron proved why he may be one of the best young defensive players in the nation. Mark Ingram booked his trip to New York for the Heisman Trophy Presentation. A couple of more solid weeks and we are looking at Bama's first Heisman winner. Maze and Hanks stepped up to help out Julio, while Marcel Dareus will break all kinds of Alabama sack records before his career ends after three seasons. We have one more home game this weekend and I can't wait. I will not be in attendance for the Iron Bowl (beach with family for Thanksgiving), but plan to make Atlanta and possibly another place (I do not want to jinx the Crimson Tide).

7. Next Trip: Our next guy trip may be to the place not mentioned above on the other side of the country that has a big Hollywood sign on the side of a hill. But it will not actually be a true guy trip, as our scheming led to us inviting our wives on this trip!